tu-REEST SPRA-shi-va-yit u MYES-na-va Тури́стtouristспра́шиваетasksуofме́стногоa local A tourist asks a local: ska-ZHY-tye, a kak zdyes’ LUCH-she fsi-VO da-YE-khat’ da vag-ZA-la Скажи́теtellаandкакhowздесьhereлу́чшеbestвсего́of allдое́хатьto getдоtoвокза́лаstation “Excuse me, what’s the best way to get to the station from here?” MYES-ny DOL-ga DU-ma-yit i at-vi-CHA-yit Ме́стныйlocalдо́лгоlongду́маетthinksиandотвеча́етanswers The local thinks for a long time and replies:
The анекдо́т: Russia’s joke form
An анекдо́т (a-nyek-DOT) is not an “anecdote” in the English sense of a true story. It is a short invented joke, usually told in the present tense (the verb form for “now”) to make the scene feel live, and it ends on a punchline that turns the meaning around. Russians collect them, retell them, and introduce them with a fixed phrase.
Two анекдо́ты in the classic style, written for this guide. Read the set-up, guess the ending, then reveal it.
pi-si-MEEST ga-va-REET: KHU-zhe u-ZHE ni BU-dit Пессими́стpessimistговори́тsaysХу́жеworseуже́any moreнеnotбу́детwill be The pessimist says: “Things can’t get any worse.” ap-ti-MEEST NA-dal-ga za-DU-my-va-yit-sa Оптими́стoptimistна́долгоfor longзаду́мываетсяfalls to thinking The optimist thinks it over for a long while…
Irony: saying the opposite with a straight face
Much everyday Russian humour is irony: saying the opposite of what you mean, in a flat voice, and trusting the listener to get it. The phrases below are often meant ironically. Tone and context decide; the words alone do not.
| Phrase | Literally | Usually means |
|---|---|---|
| nu ty GYE-niНуwellтыyouге́нийgenius | “Well, you’re a genius!” | You’ve done something silly.Said after an obvious mistake. |
| spa-SEE-ba, u-ti-SHYLСпаси́боthanksутеши́лcomforted | “Thanks, that’s comforting.” | That made it worse.Reply to unhelpful news or advice. |
| da, ka-NYESH-naДаyesконе́чноof course | “Yes, of course.” | I don’t believe you.The flat tone does all the work. |
| VYE-si-laВе́селоit’s fun | “How fun.” | This is a disaster.One word, usually with a sigh. |
| SHCHAS-t’ye-ta ka-KO-yeСча́стьеhappiness-то(emphasis)како́еwhat | “What happiness!” | Oh no, not this.The particle -то adds mock enthusiasm. |
| nu, u-dru-ZHYLНуwellудружи́лdid a favour | “Well, you did me a favour.” | You let me down.удружи́ть is almost always ironic. |
The double positive Да, коне́чно is a good test: said warmly it means “yes, of course”; said flatly it means “I don’t believe a word of it”.
Wordplay: puns built from grammar
A pun is a каламбу́р (ka-lam-BUR). Russian grammar makes them easy: the same letters can be two different words if the stress (the syllable said loudest) moves, and one ending can belong to several cases. Each pair below is one form with two meanings.
за́мокcastle (stress on за) замо́кlock (stress on мок) Same letters, different stress. Joke riddles play on “a castle you can hang on a door”.
коси́ть траву́to mow the grass коси́ть от а́рмииto dodge military service (slang) The slang meaning, “to dodge”, turns innocent sentences into jokes.
мирpeace мирthe world Tolstoy’s «Война́ и мир» is “War and Peace”, but students joke about “War and the World”.
ключ от две́риkey to a door ключ в лесу́a spring in the forest One noun, two concrete things: a favourite of children’s riddles.
зелёный лукspring onions лук и стре́лыbow and arrows Riddles ask what a hunter and a cook both need.
счастли́вый бракa happy marriage брак на заво́деfaulty goods at a factory The source of endless jokes about marriage as a manufacturing defect.
Laughing at hard times
A long tradition of shortages, bureaucracy and bad roads produced a humour of self-irony: joking about yourself and your own country before anyone else can. These lines are quoted constantly, often as a shrug.
kha-TYE-li kak LUCH-she, a pa-lu-CHEE-las’ kak fsig-DAХоте́лиwe wantedкакasлу́чшеbetterаbutполучи́лосьit turned outкакasвсегда́always We wanted the best, but it turned out as usual.Viktor Chernomyrdin, 1993. Said about any plan that fails in the familiar way.
v ra-SEE-i dvye bi-DY: du-ra-KEE i da-RO-giВinРосси́иRussiaдвеtwoбеды́troublesдураки́foolsиandдоро́гиroads Russia has two troubles: fools and roads.A saying usually credited to Gogol, though nobody can find it in his writing. Russians quote it about themselves.
fsyo BU-dit kha-ra-SHOВсёeverythingбу́детwill beхорошо́good Everything will be fine.Sincere comfort, or, with a raised eyebrow, a sign that nothing will be fine.
ni da ZHY-ru, byt’ by zhy-VUНеnotдоup toжи́руfatбытьto beбыwouldживу́alive Never mind getting fat, let’s just stay alive.A rhyming proverb for lowering your expectations, used with a grin.
Stock characters of the анекдо́т
Whole cycles of jokes grow around a few familiar figures. Mention the name and listeners already know the kind of joke that is coming.
Ш SHTEER-lits The Soviet spy hero of a 1973 TV series. Jokes parody the narrator’s solemn voice and turn on literal puns.
В VO-vach-ka The cheeky schoolboy who gives the teacher answers that are technically correct and wildly inappropriate.
Ч cha-PA-yif A Civil War commander from a 1934 film, joked about with his orderly Пе́тька as a pair of lovable simpletons.
3 RUS-ki, NYE-mits i a-mi-ri-KA-nits The Russian, the German and the American: a contest in threes in which the Russian always wins by bending the rules.
Comedy on screen
Soviet comedies of the 1960s and 70s are still shown every New Year, and their short lines are part of everyday speech. Knowing a few is the fastest way to catch references.
- 1965«Опера́ция „Ы“»Operation Y · dir. Леони́д Гайда́й На́доmustФе́дяFedyaна́доmust“You have to, Fedya. You have to.” Said to anyone facing an unpleasant job.
- 1969«Бриллиа́нтовая рука́»The Diamond Arm · dir. Леони́д Гайда́й Шёлwas walkingпоскользну́лсяslippedупа́лfell“I was walking, I slipped, I fell.” A three-verb alibi quoted for any excuse.
- 1973«Ива́н Васи́льевич меня́ет профе́ссию»Ivan Vasilievich Changes Profession · dir. Леони́д Гайда́й Тыyouчьихwhoseбу́дешьwill be“And whose are you?”: an old-fashioned way to ask someone’s family, now a joke greeting.
- 1975«Иро́ния судьбы́, и́ли С лёгким па́ром!»The Irony of Fate · dir. Эльда́р Ряза́нов Кака́яwhatга́достьnastinessэ́таthisва́шаyourза́ливнаяjelliedры́баfish“What a disgusting thing your jellied fish is!” Quoted every New Year’s Eve at the table.