Bengali makes a three-way distinction in second-person pronouns, a feature that strikes English speakers as one of the language's most socially consequential grammatical properties. The three forms (তুই tui, তুমি tumi, and আপনি apni) are not merely polite alternatives to one another. Each encodes a specific social relationship, and each demands a matching verb ending. Choosing the wrong form is not just a grammatical slip. It is a social misstep that native speakers notice immediately and that can give offense or damage a relationship. Mastering the system is therefore not an advanced refinement but a foundational requirement for functional Bengali.
This reference lays out the complete Bengali honorific system for second and third persons: the pronouns themselves, the verb ending patterns that accompany each, the social contexts that determine which to use, the cultural expectations in West Bengal and Bangladesh, and practical rules of thumb for learners who must make on-the-spot decisions. The goal is to give you enough information to navigate everyday encounters without committing serious social errors, while building a foundation for the intuition that eventually comes with sustained exposure.
Bengali is not unique in having honorific distinctions. French distinguishes tu from vous, German du from Sie, Spanish tú from usted, and Hindi तू from तुम and आप. Bengali's system is closer to Hindi than to European languages, and reflects the Indic tendency toward a three-way rather than two-way politeness split.
The Three Second-Person Pronouns
তুই tui: Intimate or Inferior
তুই tui is the intimate, low, or inferior second-person pronoun. It is used:
- Between very close friends who have explicitly moved to this level, often a sign of particular emotional intimacy
- From elders to very small children
- From masters to servants (a usage that is becoming uncomfortable and is less common in urban contexts)
- With younger siblings in some families
- In anger, as a deliberate act of disrespect
- Toward animals
- In religious devotion to a deity, where the intimacy signals closeness rather than disrespect
Using তুই inappropriately is a major social error. A foreigner who uses তুই to a shopkeeper or stranger has either insulted them or marked themselves as linguistically incompetent.
তুমি tumi: Familiar and Equal
তুমি tumi is the middle level: familiar, appropriate for equals, friends, and those younger. It is used:
- Between friends of the same age or social standing
- With spouse (in most modern households)
- With children who are not very small (roughly age 5 and up, though exact conventions vary)
- With younger cousins, nephews, nieces
- With close family members of similar age
- From teachers to older students in informal contexts
তুমি is the workhorse of Bengali social interaction. It covers the range from "you, my peer" to "you, child I am not demeaning." It is the level most English speakers will use most often with Bengali friends and acquaintances.
আপনি apni: Respectful
আপনি apni is the respectful second-person pronoun. It is used:
- With elders, regardless of familiarity
- With teachers, professors, doctors, lawyers, religious figures
- With anyone you meet for the first time (default until a closer relationship is established)
- With shopkeepers, waiters, officials, hotel staff, and other service workers
- With customers by service workers
- With parents in many traditional families
- In professional contexts with colleagues, clients, and superiors
- With anyone whose age or status you are unsure of
আপনি is the safe default for a foreign learner. Using it with someone who would accept তুমি is mildly overformal but not offensive. Using তুমি with someone who expects আপনি is a clear breach.
The Three Third-Person Pronouns
The second-person three-way split has a parallel in the third person, though with only two distinct levels for most speakers:
সে shê: Familiar Third Person
সে shê covers both intimate and familiar third-person reference. It is used for:
- Friends and peers
- Children
- Younger family members
- Pets and animals
- Characters in stories (often)
তিনি tini / উনি uni: Respectful Third Person
তিনি tini is the more formal respectful form, used in writing and in deliberate formal speech. উনি uni is the colloquial respectful form, used in everyday speech. They are essentially interchangeable in meaning:
- Elders
- Teachers, professors, officials
- Senior colleagues
- Parents (in many families)
- Anyone referred to with deference
Using সে shê for someone who deserves respect is rude, the same mistake as using তুমি where আপনি is required.
Matching Verb Endings
Each pronoun demands matching verb endings. Mismatching is ungrammatical and carries a social signal even if the listener understands the intended meaning.
Present Simple
| Level | Pronoun | Ending | Example: kôr (do) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intimate 2p | তুই tui | -ish | করিস kôrish |
| Familiar 2p | তুমি tumi | -ô | করো kôro |
| Respectful 2p | আপনি apni | -en | করেন kôren |
| Familiar 3p | সে shê | -e | করে kôre |
| Respectful 3p | তিনি tini | -en | করেন kôren |
Present Continuous
| Level | Pronoun | Ending | Example: kôr |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intimate 2p | tui | -chhish | করছিস kôrchhish |
| Familiar 2p | tumi | -chhô | করছ kôrchho |
| Respectful 2p | apni | -chhen | করছেন kôrchhen |
| Familiar 3p | shê | -chhe | করছে kôrchhe |
| Respectful 3p | tini | -chhen | করছেন kôrchhen |
Past Simple
| Level | Pronoun | Ending | Example: kôr |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intimate 2p | tui | -li | করলি kôrli |
| Familiar 2p | tumi | -le | করলে kôrle |
| Respectful 2p | apni | -len | করলেন kôrlen |
| Familiar 3p | shê | -lo | করল kôrlo |
| Respectful 3p | tini | -len | করলেন kôrlen |
Future
| Level | Pronoun | Ending | Example: kôr |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intimate 2p | tui | -bi | করবি kôrbi |
| Familiar 2p | tumi | -be | করবে kôrbe |
| Respectful 2p | apni | -ben | করবেন kôrben |
| Familiar 3p | shê | -be | করবে kôrbe |
| Respectful 3p | tini | -ben | করবেন kôrben |
Imperative
| Level | Pronoun | Ending | Example: kôr |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intimate 2p | tui | (bare root) | কর kôr |
| Familiar 2p | tumi | -ô | করো kôro |
| Respectful 2p | apni | -un | করুন korun |
Notice the pattern: respectful second-person and respectful third-person share the -en ending across tenses. Familiar second-person and familiar third-person have distinct endings (-ô vs -e in the present, -le vs -lo in the past). The intimate forms are unique to the second person.
Example Sentences at Each Level
The same underlying meaning, "Are you going home?" at three levels:
তুই বাড়ি যাচ্ছিস? Tui bari jachhish? Intimate: Are you (my close friend, little sibling, etc.) going home?
তুমি বাড়ি যাচ্ছ? Tumi bari jachho? Familiar: Are you (friend, peer, spouse) going home?
আপনি বাড়ি যাচ্ছেন? Apni bari jachhen? Respectful: Are you (elder, stranger, teacher) going home?
The same meaning, "He is eating rice":
সে ভাত খাচ্ছে। Shê bhat khachhe. Familiar third person: he (my friend, child, peer) is eating rice.
তিনি ভাত খাচ্ছেন। Tini bhat khachhen. Respectful third person: he (elder, teacher) is eating rice.
Additional examples:
আপনি কি বাংলাদেশ থেকে এসেছেন? Apni ki Bangladesh theke eshechhen? Have you (respectful) come from Bangladesh?
তুমি কী পড়ছ? Tumi ki porchho? What are you (familiar) reading?
উনি একজন ডাক্তার। Uni êkjon Daktar. He or she (respectful) is a doctor.
Social Rules and Cultural Context
Age as the Primary Factor
Age is usually the decisive factor. An older person generally receives আপনি from a younger person. Between people of similar age, তুমি is typical once mutual acquaintance is established. Strangers get আপনি until a closer relationship warrants a downshift.
The Family Structure
Bengali family relationships carry prescribed pronoun choices that vary by region and family tradition. General patterns:
| Relationship | West Bengal Common | Bangladesh Common |
|---|---|---|
| Parent to child (adult) | tumi | tumi or apni |
| Adult child to parent | tumi or apni | apni common |
| Between spouses | tumi | tumi or apni |
| Between siblings (similar age) | tumi or tui | tumi |
| To grandparents | apni | apni |
| To aunts and uncles | apni or tumi | apni |
The Service Encounter
A customer uses তুমি or আপনি to a shopkeeper, and the shopkeeper replies with আপনি. It is considered bad manners for a customer to use তুই with a service worker, even though in earlier generations this was common in some contexts. Modern usage has shifted toward mutual respect, with আপনি in both directions being the common default.
The Downshift from আপনি to তুমি
Once two people become friends and decide to downshift, they may explicitly negotiate it: "Let us use তুমি with each other from now on." This is called তুমি করা tumi kôra (doing tumi with someone). The downshift is typically proposed by the older or higher-status person. Starting to use তুমি with someone without this mutual agreement is presumptuous.
Religious Register
In prayer and devotional contexts, the deity is addressed with তুই or তুমি, not আপনি. The intimacy signals closeness and personal relationship. Using আপনি with a deity sounds distant and formal in a way that is seen as religiously inappropriate. Rabindranath Tagore's songs to the divine, for instance, use তুমি as a mark of profound intimacy.
Public vs Private
Two people who use তুই in private may use তুমি in formal or public situations to avoid appearing unprofessional. A doctor and nurse who are close friends might use তুই at home but তুমি or even আপনি in the clinic. Adjusting register to context is a normal part of adult linguistic competence.
Common Mistakes English Speakers Make
Using তুমি with elders or strangers. English has only "you," and learners often treat তুমি as a straightforward translation. This is wrong: তুমি implies familiarity. Defaulting to আপনি with anyone not already a personal friend is the safer baseline.
Using তুই thinking it is just a casual "you." It is not. It implies either deep intimacy (if used affectionately) or clear social inferiority (if used dismissively). A learner should never use তুই except with very specific established relationships, and even then with guidance from a native speaker friend.
Mismatching pronouns and verb endings. Saying আপনি করছ (apni kôrchho, respectful pronoun + familiar verb) or তুমি করেন (tumi kôren, familiar pronoun + respectful verb) is grammatically incoherent. Memorize the pronoun and the ending as a set, not separately.
Assuming people will forgive mistakes because you are a foreigner. Native speakers do understand that learners make errors, but pronoun errors strike a deeper nerve than verb conjugation errors. Someone addressed inappropriately may assume disrespect even if they know you are learning. Err on the side of formality.
Switching levels inconsistently. Starting a conversation with আপনি and then slipping into তুমি without negotiation confuses the listener and signals that you do not have command of the register. Pick a level and stay with it for a whole interaction. Change levels only when you and your interlocutor have discussed the shift.
Using সে shê for respected third parties. In Bengali, it is rude to refer to an elder, your professor, or a respected guest with সে. Always use তিনি or উনি for such references. This extends to names: "My teacher, shê is very kind" should be "My teacher, tini is very kind."
Confusing apni (you) with apni used reflexively. আপনি apart from its use as a respectful pronoun also appears in some reflexive constructions meaning "oneself." Context disambiguates, but the overlap can confuse beginners who see the same word in two roles.
Quick Reference
Bengali distinguishes three second-person levels (তুই tui intimate, তুমি tumi familiar, আপনি apni respectful) and two third-person levels (সে shê familiar, তিনি tini or উনি uni respectful). Each level has matching verb endings that must agree with the pronoun. Default to আপনি apni with strangers, elders, service workers, teachers, and officials. Use তুমি tumi with established peers and friends, children (not very small), and younger family. Use তুই tui only with very close relationships, small children, animals, or deities. Mismatching pronoun level and verb ending is ungrammatical and socially awkward. When in doubt, use আপনি; overformality is safer than underformality.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does Bengali have three words for "you"?
Bengali encodes social relationships directly in its pronoun system. The three forms (tui, tumi, apni) signal intimacy, familiarity, and respect respectively. This is similar to French tu vs vous or German du vs Sie, but with an additional level for very close relationships or clear social inferiors.
Which honorific level should I use as a beginner?
Default to tumi with peers, young adults, friends you have made, and children who are not very small. Use apni with anyone you do not know well, people older than you, shopkeepers, teachers, officials, and elders. Avoid tui entirely until you have deep relationships with native speakers; using it incorrectly is seriously rude.
Can I use apni with my spouse or parents?
Practice varies. In West Bengal and Bangladesh, many spouses use tumi with each other, though some traditional families use apni. With parents, tumi is common in modern Kolkata households, while traditional and Bangladeshi families often use apni. Following the family's established practice is the safe choice.
Does the honorific level change the verb?
Yes. Each of the three levels has its own set of verb endings. The pronoun and verb must agree. Saying apni kôrchho (respectful pronoun with familiar verb) is ungrammatical and sounds disrespectful. Always pair apni with -en endings, tumi with -ô or -e endings, and tui with -ish or -i endings.
Is there a similar three-way split for third-person pronouns?
Yes. Shê is familiar (equal or younger), uni or tini is respectful (elder or superior). There is no intimate-level third-person pronoun equivalent to tui; shê covers both neutral and intimate third-person reference. Third-person honorifics require their own matching verb endings.
What happens if I use the wrong level?
Using a lower-level pronoun with someone expecting a higher one is insulting. Using tui with a stranger or elder is grossly rude. Using tumi with an elder or stranger is presumptuous. Going too high (apni with a close friend) is not offensive but creates emotional distance. Native speakers will correct you if you err.
Do children use the same three levels?
Children learn the system gradually. Small children use tui with siblings and close family, and may use tumi as a default for most adults. By around age 10 or 12, children are expected to distinguish all three levels in context. Very small children are addressed with tui by adults.
See Also
- Bengali Pronouns Three Levels and Demonstratives Reference
- Bengali Verb Conjugation Complete Tense System Reference
- Bengali Script and Alphabet Complete Guide
- Bengali Greetings and Daily Phrases Reference
- Japanese Keigo Honorific Language Reference
- Bengali Dialects: Bangladesh vs West Bengal Reference
- Language Difficulty for English Speakers Reference
- Bengali Tagore Literature and Language Reference
Author: Kalenux Team
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does Bengali have three words for 'you'?
Bengali encodes social relationships directly in its pronoun system. The three forms (তুই tui, তুমি tumi, আপনি apni) signal intimacy, familiarity, and respect respectively. This is similar to French tu vs vous or German du vs Sie, but with an additional level for very close relationships or clear social inferiors.
Which honorific level should I use as a beginner?
Default to তুমি tumi with peers, young adults, friends you have made, and children who are not very small. Use আপনি apni with anyone you do not know well, people older than you, shopkeepers, teachers, officials, and elders. Avoid তুই tui entirely until you have deep relationships with native speakers; using it incorrectly is seriously rude.
Can I use apni with my spouse or parents?
Practice varies. In West Bengal and Bangladesh, many spouses use তুমি tumi with each other, though some traditional families use আপনি apni. With parents, তুমি tumi is common in modern Kolkata households, while traditional and Bangladeshi families often use আপনি apni. Following the family's established practice is the safe choice.
Does the honorific level change the verb?
Yes. Each of the three levels has its own set of verb endings. The pronoun and verb must agree. Saying আপনি করছ apni kôrchho (respectful pronoun with familiar verb) is ungrammatical and sounds disrespectful. Always pair apni with -en endings, tumi with -ô or -e endings, and tui with -ish or -i endings.
Is there a similar three-way split for third-person pronouns?
Yes. সে shê is familiar (equal or younger), উনি uni or তিনি tini is respectful (elder or superior). There is no intimate-level third-person pronoun equivalent to তুই tui; সে shê covers both neutral and intimate third-person reference. Third-person honorifics require their own matching verb endings.
What happens if I use the wrong level?
Using a lower-level pronoun with someone expecting a higher one is insulting. Using তুই tui with a stranger or elder is grossly rude. Using তুমি tumi with an elder or stranger is presumptuous. Going too high (আপনি apni with a close friend) is not offensive but creates emotional distance. Native speakers will correct you if you err.
Do children use the same three levels?
Children learn the system gradually. Small children use তুই tui with siblings and close family, and may use তুমি tumi as a default for most adults. By around age 10 or 12, children are expected to distinguish all three levels in context. Very small children are addressed with তুই tui by adults.
